Crowd-surfing at the Albert Hall? Unlikely

Many who have leafed through a university prospectus have paused to consider what uses certain disciplines find for their research grants. Professor Adrian North, of Heriot-Watt’s psychology department, has gone some way to answering that question, unleashing on a slightly bemused public the results of an investigation proving that music is in fact connected to personality.

Published recently in The Independent—whose report is quoted herein—the results of Professor North’s research will be startling to anyone who has never heard of music, or people: there is “a distinct correlation between people’s personality traits and the style of music they enjoy.”

Therefore, many of the stereotypes that have built up around listeners of certain music genres have been confirmed, “once and for all;” the Independent is most gleeful in describing the personality defects of "indie" fans. These “miserable shaggy-haired layabouts” find their antithesis in fans of hip-hop or blues, who are “bold, brash and brimming with self-confidence.” Anyone who has fought their way onto the main dancefloor at Lava&Ignite will be unsurprised to learn that dance music listeners are found to be neither kind nor generous.

Ground-breaking though this is, the study’s “most remarkable discovery” is that lovers of two very different genres in fact share several personality traits. Both possessing a so-called “love of the grandiose,” fans of classical music and heavy metal are both shown to be introverted, but highly creative and at ease with themselves.

While he moves generally on a dead straight journey towards the obvious, the study’s leader then departs from his well-trodden path to claim that “a Metallica fan is far more likely to listen to Mahler than an indie kid is to give reggae a try.”

Though this leap of logic sails over much circumstancial evidence to the contrary as represented by the success of The Libertines and Vampire Weekend—indie bands with recognised Afro-Carribean influences—as well as the wide-ranging appeal of Bob Marley, a little research of comparable rigour to that of Professor North blasts it from the sky.

Representing a statistical pool far larger than that of the Heriot-Watt study, online music stores often give suggestions based on the other purchases of other clients who bought the album or single being browsed. Search for Slayer on iTunes, and it helpfully informs you that "Listeners also Bought" Megadeath, Pantera, Anthrax, Metallica and Slipknot; look for the Eagles of Death Metal and iTunes suggests Wolfmother, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, The Vines, The Hives and Audioslave. Searches for Metallica on Amazon show that your fellow thrashers have also bought Iron Maiden, Rage Against the Machine, and unbelievably, more Metallica. Mahler doesn’t make an appearance, nor—despite all his misplaced rage—does Wagner. Mozart doesn’t stand a chance.

A more statistically significant investigation measuring how many holders of season tickets to the London Philharmonic or the New York Metropolitan Opera were present at this year’s Led Zeppelin reunion concert might be suggested to Professor North. But, cold-calling of depressive Japanese Feeder fans has—thankfully—eaten up the psychology department's research budget.