Rejoicing at the Stretford End: As Wayne Slob has benefits cut, Wayne Rooney is granted what he (and agent Paul Stretford) wanted all along: loadsamoney!
Birthday Suits You Sir: Doncaster Rovers go all Women’s Institute for a nude NSPCC calendar, or does this take the pressure off their precarious financial state?
Even Pompeii’s seen better days: A pending liquidation order for Portsmouth FC can only, by association, further plug Mary Beard’s upcoming BBC series on the ancient Roman town destroyed by a natural distaster. Pompey is a disaster, naturally.
He didn’t win in ’66, though: Pele, the best player to kick a football in the post-war era, celebrated his 70th birthday this October. Everyone conveniently forgets how he was kicked off the field in England in 1966, a passenger after being scythed down ruthlessly in a group game; the late BBC commentator Ken Wolstenholme called that tournament’s Brazil team “a house without foundations”.
Hey! Bale blows Inter’s minds: Gareth Bale, the finest right-footed left midfielder to never win the World Cup in future (he’s from Welsh Wales), scores all three of Tottenham Hotspur’s goals. Inter Milan, their opponents, hit four. Typical Tottenham.
Maintenant, les joueurs!: The one good thing to come out of the recent greves hitting Paris is that manager Laurent Blanc has a plethora of fantastic strikers to choose from for France’s next European Championship qualifiers. Allez, very much, the Blue in the Face!
Bah humbug!: Andy Carroll, the tall Newcastle forward, witnesses his Range Rover being set on fire by some angry Geordies. Nobody has come forward to point out the tautology of the last part of that sentence. The case, much like that of the charges against alleged girlfriend-beater Carroll, continues.
You’re my best Czech mate: Local team win game as Heart of Midlothian come within two points of third place in the Scottish Premier League with Rudi Skacel’s hat-trick.
Calder-can’t-after-all: Local team lose game as Hibernian go four down before clawing two back as ex-Spurs and Aston Villa centre-back Colin Calderwood loses his first Hibs match in charge. But this week would you rather be Colin or Colleen Rooney? Only one way to find out: whoever in future receives the best redundancy package.